


Feelings

by misckpopstuff (Sphenimersus)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Memories, Reminiscing, Taeil-centric, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9324056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sphenimersus/pseuds/misckpopstuff
Summary: Taeil chuckles while everyone else laughs loudly. He isn’t sure exactly why the other members are laughing, but he has always simply gone with the flow. Standing to sing when he thinks it is expected. Nodding in agreement when everyone else is. And like now, laughing because he sees other people laughing. But all this makes him feel awkward, strange. Because he’s shy, an introvert, and he prefers quiet places with music playing softly.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted on [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1130425/feelings-taeil-nct-nctu-moontaeil-ncttaeil-taeilcentric).  
> Originally posted on May 25th 2016.
> 
> I love Moon Taeil very much. Almost as much as I love Youngbae/Taeyang (Big Bang), Jackson (Got7), and Jimin (BTS). I love him as much as I love Jongup (BAP) and Lee Taeil (Block B). I love his voice just as much as I love Youngbae’s voice (which is a super hard thing to do). Though I’ll admit, in terms of control and technique, Taeil is better. He is just this sweet awkward child.
> 
> Basically, this is a fic dedicated to my interpretation of Moon Taeil and of how he thinks.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own these people. This may or may not be a correct interpretation of Moon Taeil’s personality because I do not know him personally. This is merely speculation on my part. Also, any scenes created in this are purely fictional. (except the one in NCT Life)
> 
>  **Warning:** Time skips will be very confusing so make sure you pay attention to the year (and month).

** January 2016 **

Taeil chuckles while everyone else laughs loudly. He isn’t sure exactly _why_ the other members are laughing, but he has always simply gone with the flow. Standing to sing when he thinks it is expected. Nodding in agreement when everyone else is. And like now, laughing because he sees other people laughing. But all this makes him feel awkward, strange. Because he’s shy, an introvert, and he prefers quiet places with music playing softly.

* * *

** 2014 **

Whenever a dongsaeng comes to him, Taeil always does his best to comfort and support them like a hyung should do. But sometimes, it’s his dongsaeng helping _him_. Especially Jaehyun. He admires how Jaehyun can cheer everyone up with his smile and a soothing touch.

Taeil has never been good at dealing with situations that involved feelings - emotions. It’s simply not his forte. He releases all the feelings he has bottled up in all the songs he sings. Everyone can tell that his love for music contains most of the emotions.

* * *

** May 2016 **

Taeil’s love for music outshines many of his other qualities and everyone can tell just by looking at him. He recalls NCT’s first interview, four of the five other members chose him as someone who left the strongest impression because they could tell that he was, _is_ , passionate regarding music.

* * *

** 2013 **

Taeil enters the SM Entertainment building. After meeting the president once, he is told the name of his trainer and to wait in one of the furthest practice rooms. When he arrives in the said practice room, he finds that he is the only one there. Confused, Taeil simply enters the room and turns on the light.

He blinks at the blinding lights that reflected off the full length mirrors. Searching for a place to sit, Taeil finds nothing but the bare floor and a few stereos for music. He didn’t really expect anything more than this. He is just satisfied that he has been accepted into one of the big threes. He knows that he has to work hard if he wants to debut though.

Feeling jittery, Taeil wanders across the room before settling to stand in front of a mirror. He breathes in deeply and figures he might as well practice until the other trainees arrived. He decides to sing TVXQ’s Winter Rose. He watches reflection to ensure he is relaxed so he wouldn’t strain his vocal chords.

 _Fuyuno seizano youni gairojuno akari_  
_Sorawo oou beruno yukino otogasuru_  
_Hanareteita jikanmo daite dakishimete_  
_Want kiss sotto My love motto_  
_Fukaku tsutaetai bokuha_  
...

Taeil abruptly stops when he hears clapping. Turning around, he finds five other trainees entering the room. His heart starts beating faster from nerves of meeting new people. He bows politely and greets, “Hello, I'm Taeil.”

The one in the front, the tallest with long and messy hair, smiles brightly, "Hello! I'm Jaehyun." He points from the person closest to him and father away. "That's Doyoung-hyung, Ten-hyung, Mark, and Taeyong-hyung. By the way, your voice is amazing! You and Doyoung-hyung should sing together.”

“Jaehyun-ah, you have a great voice too,” Doyoung chuckles.

Taeil fiddles with his fingers and offers, “The three of us could sing together until Daejeon-seonsaengnim gets here.”

Doyoung smiles brightly, “Do you know Girl's Generation's Lost In Love?”

“Yes,” Taeil answers brightly.

 _Urin jigeum jeongmallo heeojin geolkka_  
_Anim yaksokhandaero jamsi meoreojin geolkka_  
_Naneun i jeongdomyeon chungbunhi doen geot gateunde_  
_Wae amureon sosigi eomneun geolkka  
_...

Taeil grins at his and Doyoung's final harmony. There were a few discrepancies because it was merely an impromptu performance, but it still sounded very nice. Actually, it sounded amazing. Taeil idly thinks, _It would be nice if we could perform that together one day._

* * *

** February 2016 **

Taeil recalls that one thought from four years ago and smiles because the three of them are performing “Lost In Love” today. They also sing “Winter Rose” with Yuta, the Japanese member that Taeil later met on his first day at SM.

The song that Taeil puts the most feeling in is “Tende” because of the words that express the passion he holds at times. He can hear his own voice shaking as he sings with the other two in their vocal line. In the middle of the song, Taeil holds his high note as though his life depends on it. Soon, tears threaten to fall because this is their first official performance as the SM Rookies. Later that day, Taeil is with everyone watching video messages they had made. His emotions are in a turmoil, feeling touched even when it isn’t directed to him because every single person in this room are so kind. They are like his brothers now, growing up together. And then Jaehyun come up on the screen saying, “Tairu, you didn’t expect this, huh?” Taeil laughs at the tone and turns to look at the real person behind him. Video Jaehyun continues, “I am not good at expressing myself but…”

“I have teary eyes,” Taeil suddenly says.

“Whenever I have a hard time, I always complained to you,” the speakers sound out.

Suddenly, tears fall and his nose become slightly stuffy. He moves his hand in front of his nose, and Johnny calls out, “Hey, don’t pick your nose!”

He replies with a strained voice, “I am crying.” He smiles as the others laugh as well.

The video continues to play, “I am not sure if you know how I feel since I was never very serious, but I really thank you and hope we can talk more about music and spend more time together as musicians. I love you.”

Everyone suddenly laughs as Taeil wipes away his tears. The video moves on to his message to Donghyuk, and eventually they all finish.

Jaehyun speaks up, “As boys, it’s very hard to express our feelings to each other. But this was a very good idea.”

“Definitely,” Ten says.

A moment of silence and Yuta suddenly asks, “Taeil-hyung, did you cry?”

Taeil looks the other way when Johnny also says, “Say something.”

Donghyuk pitches in, “How was it?”

“I am embarrassed,” Taeil admits as he turns to look at the other members.

Jaehyun questions, “Did you cry?”

“Yes,” Taeil answers. He smiles nervously, “I am crying again.” A collective “ahhh” from the group resounds, and the eldest continues, “I do love Jaehyun too but, you know I am not good with showing my feelings. I felt very happy and touched when he told me that.

When everyone applauds, Donghyuk begins to sing Taeil’s OST, _“Even if I cry, it’s alright, because I love you~”_

They all laugh and Jaehyun adds, “We should do this every week.” Chuckling again, the members falls into an awkward silence.

Taeyong then says, “Everyone is so sad.”

“Because of Taeil,” Johnny declares.

Donghyuk accuses the oldest member, “Why did you cry?”

Taeil gapes and then watches Doyong brighten the mood. He hears the vocalist talk about a hair stylist talk about how they shine the brightest on stage which causes him to smile because that is a part of his dream - to shine brightly on the stage. They end their group meeting with the Thai fighting chant, “SM Rookes, _SUSU_!”

* * *

** May 2016 **

Taeil watches the last episode of NCT Life as he sits in their manager’s van, being driven to another interview. He watches the scene where he cried and thinks, _This is why I don’t deal well with emotions. When there’s too much, I always cry._

Taeil sighs and puts away his phone. Stretching slightly, he turns and finds the other NCT members engrossed in their own conversations.

Watching his dongsaengs, Taeil smiles, _I love everyone here very much. I hope we’ll be able to stay like this for a long time._

**Author's Note:**

>  **Credit for English Subtitles from NCT Life:** [x](https://youtu.be/B1uP66obRzQ?list=PLg3HYWm_7qcmz7BfYa_oixwa4fd1jO25f).  
>  **Credits for Lyrics:** [Winter Rose](https://pinkrazy.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/tohoshinki-winter-rose-lyrics-and-translation/) | [Lost In Love](http://www.kpoplyrics.net/snsd-lost-in-love-lyrics-english-romanized.html) | [Because Of You](http://www.kpop-lyrics.com/2016/01/lyric-taeil-smrookies-because-of-you.html)


End file.
